Boxed stuffing has been on sale and I cannot stop buying it. I have eaten 10 boxes of stuffing in under 2 weeks. I have 6 more boxes left, and they will probably be gone by, like, next monday. I spice it up with california reaper slivers. I’m sure the 4 tbsp of butter per box is killing me, but I can’t bring myself to care, whether because it’s too good or I’m too depressed.

When the sale first started, there was plenty of chicken, pork, turkey, and cornbread boxes at the store. Then the chicken ran out. Then the pork ran out. And I guess people just don’t want Turkey and Cornbread, and then I thought about it, and you know, turkey on thanksgiving really is just like, the biggest sham.

Chicken is the superior poultry. Which is why it’s readily available nearly everywhere all the time. People like it, its good. Meanwhile, turkey gets the “it’s healthier but doesn’t taste as good,” label. Like, wtf actually wants turkey bacon over pork bacon. Or turkey slices on a sandwhich instead of ham, salami, pepperoni, roast beef, corned beef, or half a dozen other lunch meats.

But once a year, families get together and really just insist and pretend this jumbo sized foul fowl really is just oh so delicious and totally worth the pain in the ass cooking time and work. Then the other 364 days of the year people drop the act and just get a rotisserie chicken when they want a full bird.