I empathize. I’m terrified of dentistry.

In case you missed it:

https://www.youtube.com/live/smp0voLUgk8

(World tram championships)

Glad it worked out!

I think this comment is a really good illustration of what it looks like when a NT person doesn’t understand the challenges faced by ND people. I don’t mean this as an atrack. I’m going to speak in absolutes because I’m lazy af, but when I say ND please read it as “some ND people”. It’s a spectrum, after all.

If you’re going to spend 33% of your life around a group of people, it seems like the most rational choice would be to choose a group of people you know something about, understand and enjoy, right?

There are a lot of challenges ND people face in the work place. The idea of choosing where you work can feel like a strange concept because we need to figure out where we can fit in with minimal harm done to ourselves. If we get lucky and find that, we’re not going to change it because we don’t “vibe” with the people. We’re probably not going to vibe with the people anywhere??? We need to be able to change ourselves and our behavior, learning all the unspoken rules about an individual workplace and hope we “pass” enough to stay employed while not running ourselves into the ground while doing it.

While I like and appreciate most of my co-workers, I’ll never really be able to say I understand them. Sometimes I think I do, and then BAM something happens and I’m totally lost again. Either I’ve broken some unspoken rule or they have broken what I thought was an unspoken rule or something like that.

Getting lots of work done in isolation in a cold, hostile environment surrounded by strangers seems to me like a worse choice than getting less work done with fun people you enjoy, with the feeling like you’re all in it together and can rely on each other to handle challenges bigger than any single person as a team.

Working in isolation can help with issues with executive function and processing delays. I’m “successful” and highly regarded in my field but if you say numbers at me my brain shuts down and I panic. I’m an engineer!!! When I’ve worked in an open concept office I would have to stay and do another “shift” after everyone went home. No, headphones aren’t enough. Any distracting, someone doing a small talk as they pass your desk, people seeing you and deciding to message you - all these things took me off task and took me 20+ mins to remember WTF I was doing and get back to it.

Life’s not just about getting the most work done possible before you die, right?

There are a few things going on here:

1. From the outside, I can look like someone who values work above other things in life. I don’t. I like solving puzzles. When I’m into a puzzle god help you if you interrupt me.

2. The “rule” about work is that you go there and do work right? Slacking is frowned upon unless it’s this narrow band of socializing? There are too many rules about what the appropriate amount of work to do is, it’s exhausting. Pair that with all the sensory nightmares that come from working in the vicinity of other people and it’s much easier to think of work as a set of tasks that need to be done and then you can go.Thinking of work as tasks that need to get done and doing them is a pretty common ND approach, tbh.

3. I 100% hide behind my expertise and ability to get shit done to protect me from unemployment for being “weird” and not fitting in. You bet your ass I’m going to make myself indispensable by working a lot.

4. As much as a ND might want to get along with their coworkers, sometimes they just can’t. Sometimes we can’t understand each other. There are also a whole new weird set of rules about work friendships that are different from non work friendships and that’s a whole minefield to navigate.

My lived experience in three memes:

It’s a different type of social dance we have to do that is not part of my normal daily script and that I am not prepared for and now have to agonize over, I don’t know anything about myself, a fun fact is never a single sentence how dare you???

The closest giant asian supermarket was not crowded at all today so we got a chance to meander and browse and not feel like we were in everyone’s way.

They were absolutely blasting 80s power ballads so much so that my partner don’t even bother with his headphones lol. But being less crowded made so much nicer of an experience, sensory overload wise.

I bought myself a cute notebook to put my to-do lists in. I’m currently using a 8.5 x 11 notepad on my desk, let’s see if this is more or less annoying.

Yes. The first step would be knowing what I want but if I’m ever able to figure it out it’s absolutely impossible for me to ask for it.

• I had 5 years of therapy for depression/anxiety. Neither ADHD nor Autism were ever brought up by my therapist. I got better at dealing with both but it seems to be along the lines of having got bored of myself being held back by it and having developed the discipline to push through.

I don’t really feel comfortable chiming in on if people “are” autistic or ADHD but I did want to comment on this. I wouldn’t take it as a sign you aren’t. I have been in impatient mental health treatment twice, once as a young teen and once in my 20s and it never came up. Got told I had depression, then bipolar, then BPD but I didn’t really think any of them fit? If anything I’m too flippant about relationships? That one felt really off to me but it came up after spending 2 years trying all sorts of drug combos for bipolar and nothing working. And that effectively stopped medication attempts.

I started therapy again in my late 30s and after a few years I was like, maybe I have ADHD??? And my therapist was like, “and autism!” that one surprised me but it’s been a few years since then and I’m going through the formal diagnosis now.

I think one of the reasons it’s missed is people aren’t looking for it. I don’t know your gender but I do really think it’s missed a lot in girls and also more nerdy folks because they can be reserved or just “shy”. I’m just “awkward”. What they don’t see is how distraught I get when I get home after events and get so angry at myself for fucking up every social interaction 😬

I guess i am mostly asking because i still feel like there is some “glass pane” or so between me and most other people. Even if have mostly positive interactions and people usually feel genuinely happy to see me, i feel like forming deeper connections remains difficult. I also feel less inclined to bother trying, even though at times i wonder if it is sufficient to have my wife and two close friends.

I think you need more than your spouse and it seems like you have that, which is great! What I am finding is that I think it’s good to have some casual friends or acquaintances. People with common interests you see sometimes doing those interests. Super low effort but you still have contact with more people with defined tasks and things to talk about. I volunteer. Sports or clubs are good too.

So after all this off my chest, i would be happy if you could help me with something to read up on regarding Autism and ADHD and milder or “well adjusted” cases of either. Would it make sense to pursue a diagnosis/treatment? Is there any point in treatment, if life generally is good?

I only sought it when my life was falling apart, lol. I was and am so burnt out. I’m an engineer and I manage engineers. I don’t know if I’m just noticing it for the first time but now that I am in my 40s I’m seeing more and more engineers in their late 30s to early 50s in autistic burnout, which is different than the burnout you hear about more often. I suspect one of my previous bosses had it looking back. I knew she was on leave but it was super vague but remembering her and how she was and then going through it myself, I wouldn’t be surprised.

I’ve also known some people that I would say are pretty clearly autistic and either by choice or luck fell into a life that accommodates it and it never becomes an issue. One highly successful engineer I know is also religious in a faith practice that venerates a loving active involvement in your family so he could never work himself to death because it was his duty to be there for his kids and wife. I’m not a fan of religion but I’m glad it worked out for him!

That’s a super long way of saying I don’t think you need diagnosis or treatment (what treatment, lol???) if life is good. If you are starting to feel exhausted then it might be handy to know what autistic burnout is so you can swerve it. What’s been most helpful to me is the ADHD meds (they work like antidepressants/antianxiety meds for me, the way actual antidepressants/antianxiety meds didn’t) and also understanding that typical productivity tricks etc are not going to work for me. I’m still learning how to know when I need a break and being able to take them, but at least I know that’s what I need to do.

The “what treatment” is kind of a joke but not really. Perhaps others in the comm have better experience but the resources for autistic adults are super slim to non-existent where I am. In terms of what I am pursuing, I’m hoping for help to figure out what kind of accommodations will work for me. The diagnosis will help me get the accommodations. I’m in therapy and trying to learn to unmask (sometimes) and learn to get in better touch with my body to know what it needs, and also to calm my nervous system. I have two therapists (kind of long story, won’t get into it) and I think it’s important to have a therapist that gets neurodivergents or else you’ll get told to use a planner lol. One therapist is hip enough to neurodivergence to have put me on the path to diagnosis and the other is autistic herself and she’s helping me learn to live as an autistic person.

TL;DR: it’s not a problem until it’s a problem and it doesn’t become a problem for everyone so you do whatever feels right!

It is, mostly. It’s much closer to an RV park than the hike distance would have you believe. We assume that’s where the firework noises were coming from yesterday.

We are camping! And carrying way too much but honestly the 3 person tent is worth it.

That’s my partner and his pack, mine is similar.

I was seriously concerned about my ability to do this hike, especially while carrying way too much stuff, and with younger and fitter friends, but then I remembered I literally do not know how to stop. So I used that for recreation instead of work and I survived. Just need to hike back out tomorrow.

I have a favorite building (because of course I do) and I learned a while back that charms have been made of it, for like charm bracelets and stuff.

Until recently I’ve only seen gold ones and they are stupid expensive, like $1000 expensive. So when I saw a silver one come up for sale I hit that buy button so fast my head spin lol

It arrived today

It makes me home sick but I can wear it close to my heart.

Hard same lol

It’s fine until I start describing memes to people irl. Then it gets weird

You sure are making assumptions about where my comment comes from.

Even the folks who need the highest level of support would benefit from society looking at addressing barriers, such as access to that support, i.e the social model of disability.

In a society that puts a higher value on people who serve capitalism and productivity, access to support is extremely challenging. Where I live it’s almost impossible for high support needs folks to get access to help in their family home or local community unless the family can pay for private services.

I don’t know you or your experience, but I ask you to not make assumptions about mine. I’ve been involved (as a client) of my local mental health system for more than 30 years and it’s very much influenced how I view my disability and how I and others are treated.

Much easier to blame drugs than look at the social structures that cause differences to become disabilities 🤷‍♀️

On a canning spree

Ya girl (and her partner) are processing 60 lbs of tomatoes this weekend for deliciousness all year round

Please tell me more about this electric duster

…did this get superimposed on an Underground whiteboard to trick the autists into reading it (it worked) or is it actually written on one???

(Eta: I have an ever present bruise on my thigh because I always walk into my kitchen table when using the garbage can)

I love them 😍

Is there a comm on lemmy that’s kind of like Evil Autism on that other site? I enjoy shit posting and I also think weaponizing my autism is hilarious but none of the comms I know of seem like the right place for that.