I worked at my last job for 12 years- started as a help desk support agent, taught myself to code just to have a better understanding of the product, and then was offered a job on the development team. After being laid off in 2024, I mentally collapsed from burnout and exhaustion. Everyday working felt like I was pulling energy from an empty battery. Every year I’d end up using every sick day and using my vacation days as sick days just to rest. I was almost never physically sick (fortunately rarely get sick), but I was constantly exhausted and broken. I started forcing myself to get into work at 4-5am to avoid the stress of traffic, avoid as many interactions as possible…hood always up, headphones always on, and anytime anyone interrupted me or changed requirements that were already agreed upon, I’d have the most intense mental battles to be patient with them.

I applied for disability this month… I can’t do it anymore. These last 2 years not working I’ve felt the most alive I’ve ever felt. I have MY routine, MY time, and I get to choose what I want to invest myself in. I’m out of savings, and I’ll most likely be homeless again (was before my last job) before my disability application is even looked over.

It’s also odd feeling myself almost regress in many aspects. I feel like I’ve forgotten almost everything I learned about coding over the last decade, I feel unable to mask in the way to fit into corporate or job roles, and I’ve tried revisiting old interests and it’s like I’m starting from zero.

People might be critical of your choices, but as someone who finally felt a brief moment of relief after forcing myself to conform my entire life, I understand…