I’m sorry you went through that. It probably explains why you’ve proposed an extreme, amygdalic “solution” rather than a safer, more moderate one.
However, I’ve been through it too - and if I’d done what you proposed, I’d almost certainly have had an ex’s suicide attempt on my conscience. Instead, because I chose a more moderate path, that ex learned to be less over-dramatic. They were able to gradually move on, and eventually settle happily with someone else.
To address your implicit assertions: I did not propose that OP should “live in a distressing state” or consider themselves unable to leave. Quite the contrary.
I did try to highlight the big difference between:
- leaving abruptly and cutting cords entirely (as you propose); and
- leaving respectfully and with friendship intact.
In OP’s case, this could be the difference between life or death. If I were in OP’s shoes I would not want to risk having a person’s death on my conscience from following your proposal (option 1 above). Instead, I’d rather demonstrate maturity, self-control, moderation, and above all patience.
Analogy: would you push a scared non-swimmer in at the deep end - or do you admit it’s better to let them build skill and confidence in the shallow end before they tackle the deep end?






You proposed a “clean cut”, which is the deep end as far as OP’s partner is concerned.
Throwing a scared non-swimmer into the deep end is cruel, dangerous, impatient and unnecessary - even if there is a lifeguard (mental health professional) nearby. Lifeguards should definitely be employed, but they are fallible: they may be busy rescuing others, or asleep, or off the clock.
Building skills in the shallow end first, where self-rescue is manageable, is far safer than relying solely on a lifeguard.
Not only at that time - at any time. There is no better approach than to be compassionate and patient, instead of heartless and impatient - as long as one does not lose sight of the goal or let oneself be trapped.
I did not lose sight of the goal or let myself be trapped.
Likewise, I advised OP, above, how to set boundaries and establish a clear but compassionate path out of the relationship.
What I did was not a mistake. Neither is what I proposed to OP.
That is almost certainly a false statement. You have no evidence for it. Neural plasticity is far greater than you seem to think, even on the spectrum.
Hardly! I’m saying OP should think of the future - not only the present - and should recognise that a little extra effort and inconvenience in the short term will yield much greater peace of mind in the long term.
I’m not proposing it because I did it.
I’m proposing it because it is the humane, mature, responsible course.