From your writing it seems you have a lot of insight and are very self aware. Use this as your strength. Not sure how you’re faring in regards to alexithymia but this tends to be a blindspot for folks with trauma and autism spectrum condition. Matching your needs with your internal states (vis a vis your emotions) will go a long way to manage your life so it’s worth living. Don’t get hung up on labels too much but they are useful as a shortcut to learn from others and their similar experiences.