A definite yes by people close to me. Not so much by strangers. I’m good at masking.

I use Ubuntu. Have slapped on a really pretty material theme. A couple of blur extensions. A cute furry wallpaper. Never felt the need to switch to anything else.

WELL. Now this is going to be quite unhinged. It all starts with one of my favorite stories I’ve ever read. In it, the protagonists are given powers by the gods to exercise their will in the world. But, realising that these gods are assholes, the protagonists rebel (while keeping the powers). A war breaks out and well, the plot happens.

Personally, I’ve always hated authoritarian figures in general. By hated, I mean HATED. With a burning passion.

In the story, there’s an analogue to Loki. This character is shown to whisper “thoughts” into people (and gods) he wants to manipulate. Whenever I begin to procrastinate, I imagine it’s Loki whispering mischief in my ear. Him attempting to manipulate me to stop me from doing the good things I want to do. A simple, “fuck off Loki” works wonders!

I kinda did something similar when I was plagued with suicidal thoughts. I imagined it was Badb (the Irish goddess of death) circling around to claim her prey. To add some plot, I imagined it as, “Badb wants to snatch me away, as my survival means less prey for her in the years to come”. Basically, some “main character”, “protagonist” energy to keep the entire thing interesting. Whenever I even came across the thought of kms, a simple, “Haha Badb you bitch, not today. It ain’t that easy (to get me), you collosal loser” worked! I haven’t come close to spiralling down AT ALL after I started taunting Badb. So hey, it worked for the better, right?

Now here’s the thing - I know this is objectively false of course. The “war against gods and authority” is objectively not real. I KNOW THAT. But, I subjectively like to pretend that it is, just so that it:

• makes me connect abstract things that strongly motivate me to do/not do something with real life.
• makes stuff more interesting and fun! I mean hey, rebelling against the gods is kinda based, and it’s even cooler if it’s YOU who’s doing that (pretending to do that, I know)!