The doctor (technically an NP because I’ll never see an actual doctor on this insurance on any reasonable time frame) calls so much.

But that’s good, you say! They’re proactive!

IT GIVES ME A FUCKING HEART ATTACK

They never called as a kid, or young adult. A doctor calling after blood work was capital fucking Bad

She called today to say she was putting in a scrip for vitamin D. Okay! Cool! Excuse me while my heart rate is elevated the rest of today!!

And she called at fucking 7:42am. I was also taught you only call between 9to9. Calls outside that time are emergencies.

I fucking weep.

The caulking is going in the bathtub because the cat is a gremlin so I need to redo that, I’m tired, and the salivary cortisol test sucks and I need to do it a second time tonight. Ugghhh

Chilling on the deck with my pooch, studying languages and shorthand, drinking some yerba mate.

Stressed about work. Currently not working. Have a second interview with a store manager when he gets back on vacation–maybe next week–and I’m stressing about flaming out at my last job. Like, seriously, I hope it doesn’t sink me for the rest of my life. I’ve enjoyed most of the work I’ve done in the past 7 years, but I decided to take some risks, and they didn’t work out. If I feel like if I’ve ever had any issues at work, it’s “red flag” to employers, and it doesn’t matter what the reason is. I think the usual dodgy bullshit answer is, “It wasn’t a good fit.” But I really want to launch into a whole thing about how the position was structurally unsound, my boss was emotionally a coward, the entire organization was built around backscratching, and so much more. But, it just wasn’t a good fit, I guess.

Is a work history just supposed to be a conveyor belt smoothly travelling upward, ever upward?

Edit: Also my folks is visiting me and things are pretty mellow. My dad says he wants to watch Lord of the Rings again which, hell, yeah, I’m there for that. I’m thinking extended for Fellowship and Return but theatrical for Two Towers. That’s like the best thing to get my mind off this shit. I bring hope to men and keep none for myself.

Also, I’m looking for my soul. I don’t know how to explain it, but I think I lost it somewhere.

I’ve started working on a side project and its going really well so far. I’m at the point that I got what I want out of it but to make it usable for others I have to add some boiler plate stuff.

Driving home from a family reunion thing with my partner today. We had a tire blow on the way out, so we’re sitting at walmart waiting for them to swap it out so we can limp home >.>

Driving on the highway is so fucking stressful, I really wish we had a train route or something between us.

It was a fun trip overall, but holy shit am I ready to be home and not have anything going on for a while ;-;

Went to dinner with my in-laws and polycule last night.

I like my in-laws, but being part of a party of 6 at a restaurant in a busy, dense part of town is stressful. The polycule has been really weird and awkward for the past couple of months. I had a rough day of work with a lot of meetings. The humidity was far too high.

My wife and I got home and she wanted to play some TemTem. I tried really hard. Our portable air conditioner was really loud next to me. She had her game on the big screen and the audio playing, while I was on my Deck with no sound. She was also talking to me about the game. 2 screens + 3 audio sources. My nose was mysteriously runny (maybe from the polluted air of going to a dense area of town for dinner?). My toe hurt from cutting the nail too short a couple of days ago. It was all too much for me to handle. As soon as we got to a heal point I stopped playing and crawled into bed.

Didn’t sleep well either. Too hot and too cold at various points, too humid throughout the whole night. Congested. Joints aching from the storm system that’s about to hit us for thr next week or so.

I’m running on E today. Gonna fight my way through work. I can’t really nap, but maybe I’ll lay in the dark and try to hide fron stimulation for a couple hours after work. Hopefully that’s enough to get me through playing Elden Ring with my bf this evening.

Can’t drink coffee for a bit because it’s irritating some sensitivities/mystery sickness, and I’m feeling the lack of caffeine even with a glass of matcha before work 🫩

Probably heightened/started by stress from a recent move, too, and two of my cats (who are v skittish) refused to move with me on day of so it’s been many days of trying to engineer methods to get them into carriers. Fortunately the residents of where I moved from have been very kind and understanding about this. Still, I miss the little fuzzybugs 😭

It’s almost Friday here.

Don’t have much else to contribute but I always read your posts so sometimes I want to comment too 😅

Our power was out for a while, cause they were working on the powerlines, which is always mildly annoying, and especially now since it’s constantly hot so not being able to run the fan sucked :3

Also helped my dad with getting his car ready for the technical inspection… there’s a lot of work to be done still, it’s in rough shape